Argue SMART

By Kristina Gesell

I’m sure you think you know how to argue. Let me challenge you though. Just yesterday I felt concerned about my dearest friend who found herself squabbling with her hubby. That got me thinking about how to argue better. Sure, arguments can be destructive to love. However, disagreements can also create opportunity to improve your relationship. You just need to realize it — and remember these two brilliant rules:

RULE 1: ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO ACHIEVE.
A little hint: Isn’t it about HOW he can make you happy? The main reason of showing your concern is to let him know what’s the right way. As such, consider now if yelling and criticizing brings him any closer to understanding what you want. I honestly doubt it. Be respectful, mind your tone, encourage him to understand how you feel.

RULE 2: FOCUS ON YOUR FEELINGS RATHER THAN ON WHAT HE DID WRONG.
Yes, yes, I know, I’ve been there. You just want to yell from the bottom of your heart what kind of mean/unfair/ungrateful person he is. But believe me, you will not be heard as he will only get defensive and annoyed. I bet anything he could recite tons of stuff you’ve done wrong too. Remember Rule 1?! Beware of shouting accusations that you will regret later. Be honest and considerate. Admit that you are upset and disappointed. Make a suggestion what he can do better next time. Show respect and tell him how important it is for you.

Encourage him by complimenting his strong sides of being wise, smart, loving, etc. He will definitely try his best to listen to you. He doesn’t want to fight. Nobody does!

These easy rules make sense. I believe in being honest and respectful of each other. So the most effective way of communicating (even if it’s an argument) is to express your true feelings and intentions. Carefully cherish each other’s wishes and concerns.

Give love, my darlings, and you will receive it back.